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In Between
In between lies my honesty. I am on step four. “Make a comprehensive list of our resentments, fears, and harmful actions.” I have been playing them like movie trailers in my mind in preparation for writing them down. Now it is time to write. Truth be told, the harmful actions that come to mind are…
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Intrusive Thoughts
Natasha Tracy is a mental health advocate, writer and a woman with bipolar disorder. Her Suicide Assessment Scale has saved my life (https://natashatracy.com/mental-illness-issues/suicide/scale-suicide-suicidal-you/). I admire her work, so seeing her struggle in a video she posted recently on Instagram made me remember what it is like to be in the midst of a dark depression.…
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A Glimmer of God
I have a “big protective guide” around me and he shows himself as a large male. That’s what magical cat told me, a woman who is psychic. I’ve always been skeptical of psychics while still being fascinated by them. I found the idea of a big protective guide particularly comforting. Today I ask myself if…
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Sprinkling Seeds
I have a very strong urge to write. Not do art, not participate in the online workshop “Brave at Friendship,” which I paid a pretty penny to do, not do anything but write. My moods have shifted often today and I have already written a post on adhedonia, the inability to feel pleasure or diminished…
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I AM NOT SICK, Book Recommendation
I have a family member who is in denial about his mental illness. At least, that’s what I would have said before I read this fascinating book, “I Am Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help!” by Xavier Amador. I have since learned that in the case of a person with schizophrenia or other mental illnesses…
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Sober Without God
I have been having some conflicting feelings about calling myself an alcoholic, as well as using the steps as outlined in AA. What I feel is the most accurate statement after doing much soul searching, researching and online test taking from the CDC, is that I drank at levels that were hazardous to my health…
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Too Many Places
I’m back with the Brothers Comatose and their song called “Too Many Places.” The music makes me feel happy despite the anxiety inducing lyrics. “There’s too many places I need to be. I can’t get there with all this weighing on me.” I have tomorrow off from work, giving me a three day weekend; my…
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Brave in the Face of the Storm
I am one week sober. It has not been too much of a struggle, but today I have a craving for a margarita on a hot summer day. I checked in the fridge, and yep, there was margarita drink in there. I quickly closed the fridge. I went to my glass of water with…
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Calm Before the Storm
I don’t feel like making art, and that’s okay. I guess a few days ago I was all excited about it, when I was hypomanic, and now it just seems like it would be forced. Maybe later, I reply to myself. I don’t feel like drinking, and that’s good. I am staying sober, I don’t…
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After Hypomania
I am five days sober. My hypomania has calmed; I took a three hour nap today and didn’t do anything creative. But I did dig in the dirt and plant some bulbs from my mother, so that felt good. I have been reading “A Woman’s Way Through the Twelve Steps,” by Stephanie Covington. I am…
