Moody Paper

Month: July 2023

  • Beauty in your Madness

    I haven’t been able to write lately. I can’t find the words to describe how I have been feeling, and it seems that it doesn’t matter anyway even if I could. That is my anxiety talking, it has been swirling in my brain and taking up space. Thoughts run parallel to a song I invited…

  • Me and ECT?

    I remember the fireflies. We would sit on the steps of the porch and watch them light up. Collectors we were. Of fireflies, buckeyes, and hail. They were, for now, temporary exhibits on the dresser, next to grandma’s silver mirror and brush. A row of jars on display for our friend Elena to examine and…

  • Julie Fast’s Health Cards

    Julie Fast’s Health Cards will be out in a new addition in the Fall. Julie is taking a break from social media until August 1st so she can work on her updates to the Health Cards. I am so excited that this tool will be updated and available for people with bipolar. I have used…

  • Changing Directions

    My mind is racing just a bit, as I stumble out the door to walk my dog at 4:30 in the morning. I hear lyrics: “Dark blue, dark blue, have you ever been alone in a crowded room…” I hear a grocery list: bananas, milk, pudding. I feel the wind kick up in a sudden…

  • Manic: A Memoir by Terri Cheney

    I have devoured three memoirs of bipolar and depression in two days, using long hours in the afternoon to read. My favorite book by far was Terri Cheyney’s Manic: A Memoir. It’s not written chronologically, but by varying mood states. It sweeps you off your feet and takes you on a bipolar ride. You are…

  • Extra Bones

    The podiatrist gestured to my x-rays and proclaimed, “You have extra bones on your toes, nothing that needs surgery,” and that was that. They were thin little bones jutting out of the right side of each of the phalanges. I didn’t use my voice to ask anything about it. Sometimes it takes me a while…

  • Inside the Box

    Maybe it’s better just to think inside of the box. When I talk in whispers the leaves just rustle in the wind, but if I speak up, the branches start breaking off and fall to the ground. When I stack bricks inside my brain, there’s no harm done, but building bridges makes connections that can’t…

  • Lost Marbles Book Review

    I remember when I first came across Natasha Tracy’s body of work it was an immersive experience. I read her book, followed her blog and listened to her podcasts. I had previously read other writers with bipolar such as Julie Fast, Kay Redfield Jamison, and Andy Behrman. What initially struck me about Tracy’s work was…

  • One Hundred Days

    Today I am 100 days sober. So far I have only had minor cravings, usually in the evenings when my husband and I used to drink together. I sometimes miss it when I want to write, because the drink helped the words come more easily. I feel so even emotionally; I don’t miss the ups…

  • Seeking Sadness

    I am listening to Jack’s Mannequin and noticing that I have a mild headache, which is rare for me. I ordered three books and cannot wait to get them so I can read for hours on end with the summer days that stretch out ahead of me. I seem to be singularly focused on books…