Moody Paper

Category: mental health

  • Weeds

    A weed is only a plant growing where you don’t want it. I am remembering summers at my grandmother’s house. We’d pull a yellow dandelion from the cool earth and pluck the head off while exclaiming in a sing- song voice “Mama has a baby and it’s head popped off!” So many childhood oddities that…

  • Beauty in your Madness

    I haven’t been able to write lately. I can’t find the words to describe how I have been feeling, and it seems that it doesn’t matter anyway even if I could. That is my anxiety talking, it has been swirling in my brain and taking up space. Thoughts run parallel to a song I invited…

  • Inside the Box

    Maybe it’s better just to think inside of the box. When I talk in whispers the leaves just rustle in the wind, but if I speak up, the branches start breaking off and fall to the ground. When I stack bricks inside my brain, there’s no harm done, but building bridges makes connections that can’t…

  • One Hundred Days

    Today I am 100 days sober. So far I have only had minor cravings, usually in the evenings when my husband and I used to drink together. I sometimes miss it when I want to write, because the drink helped the words come more easily. I feel so even emotionally; I don’t miss the ups…

  • In Between

    In between lies my honesty. I am on step four. “Make a comprehensive list of our resentments, fears, and harmful actions.” I have been playing them like movie trailers in my mind in preparation for writing them down. Now it is time to write. Truth be told, the harmful actions that come to mind are…

  • Intrusive Thoughts

    Natasha Tracy is a mental health advocate, writer and a woman with bipolar disorder. Her Suicide Assessment Scale has saved my life (https://natashatracy.com/mental-illness-issues/suicide/scale-suicide-suicidal-you/). I admire her work, so seeing her struggle in a video she posted recently on Instagram made me remember what it is like to be in the midst of a dark depression.…

  • Sprinkling Seeds

    I have a very strong urge to write. Not do art, not participate in the online workshop “Brave at Friendship,” which I paid a pretty penny to do, not do anything but write. My moods have shifted often today and I have already written a post on adhedonia, the inability to feel pleasure or diminished…

  • Sober Without God

    I have been having some conflicting feelings about calling myself an alcoholic, as well as using the steps as outlined in AA. What I feel is the most accurate statement after doing much soul searching, researching and online test taking from the CDC, is that I drank at levels that were hazardous to my health…

  • Brave in the Face of the Storm

      I am one week sober. It has not been too much of a struggle, but today I have a craving for a margarita on a hot summer day. I checked in the fridge, and yep, there was margarita drink in there. I quickly closed the fridge. I went to my glass of water with…

  • Calm Before the Storm

    I don’t feel like making art, and that’s okay. I guess a few days ago I was all excited about it, when I was hypomanic, and now it just seems like it would be forced. Maybe later, I reply to myself. I don’t feel like drinking, and that’s good. I am staying sober, I don’t…