It’s been about two and a half years since I’ve visited this blog, and looking at the date I can understand why.  Two weeks after I wrote my last entry I spiraled into a bipolar depression, having suicidal thoughts daily.  They scared me and I knew I needed help, although I tried to handle it on my own.  Out of desperation I called my mother and asked her to call my doctor.

Reaching out to my mother enabled me to start talking about my suicidal ideation, and she helped me through it, got me an appointment to see my therapist, and checked in with me often.  I also had four days off from work, and that enabled me to spend time with my family and benefit from their support.

I haven’t had any auditory or visual hallucinations since the last time I wrote.  I have struggled in my job so much that I resigned and found a job with fewer responsibilities.  It’s stressful during the day, but once I leave work, I don’t have to think about it until the next day.  I am also getting paid a lot less, so I am stressed about my finances.  I know it was the right choice to resign, although I still have shame surrounding the event, so that’s something I plan on talking to my therapist about.  I also want to look back at the red flags that I missed so that I can be effective in my new job, and notice if I am falling into similar thought patterns.

I don’t know if anyone will still be reading this blog, but if you are new to it, welcome.  If you have seen it before, thank you for returning.  I look forward to reading your blogs.