I have a new morning routine now that my dog wakes me up at 4:30 in the morning.  I will take him for a walk, enjoying the cool, gentle breeze and warmth of the morning, feeling hopeful and happy for the day.  When I bring him in, I get cozy in my bed and go to sleep, and from there my schedule gets bizarre:

• awakening again at 6:40 to do a quick household chore
• back to sleep at 7:00
• Up again at 7:30 for a few minutes
• back to sleep from 7:32 – 8:30

When I wake up at 8:30, I have been in a depressed mood for the last three days. Today I woke up at 9:30 and didn’t even shower. I’m just realizing that my odd sleeping pattern is probably contributing to my mood shifts.  I knew there was a reason for me to write today!  It seems so obvious now.  My new approach will be to stay awake after I walk my dog, using that time to do my 2 mile walk/jog that I have been avoiding in the evening because it’s too hot. We shall see if those changes keep me in a hopeful mood for the day.

Another shift I am seeing is in response to my work schedule. I am a teacher’s aide, so I have the summer off, and because I am staying home for covid-19, I have spent most of my last three days binge watching Netflix and browsing the computer for bipolar related blogs and articles.  Because I seem quite obsessed about reading about bipolar now, I had to ask myself why, and eventually an answer came.  For the past two years, I have gotten very depressed around October or November. I almost checked myself into a psychiatric hospital the first time.  The second time I resigned from my job.  Now I am fearful of what will happen when I start the new school year and the stress hits – what can I expect from this November?  The best things I can do is check in with myself to notice red flags, continue taking my meds, and see my therapist on a regular basis.  And create a routine for myself that will give me breaks from the binge watching and internet surfing!

Did you ever have a realization come to you as you were writing your blog? I wasn’t feeling much like writing today, but I’m glad I showed up to the page!