I have 11 more days of students in the classroom, I cannot believe how fast it has gone by. It has been a tumultuous year with one teacher quitting abruptly and another out for three weeks. Each time I scampered around, rummaging through all of the resources I bought while I was manic so that I could teach the class. I have to admit it was fun to be in charge as a default.

I like to say if I wasn’t bipolar I could be a teacher instead of a teacher’s aide, but I don’t know that I am being completely honest with myself in that regard. I know that I am a good teacher, but I would want to be great. What holds me back is my behavior management, it is the one criteria that needs improvement on every evaluation I have. And guess what, it’s the most important thing! How can you teach if you can’t manage behavior? I know I am improving; I have had a great role model in the current teacher I work for, and she has been so positive in guiding me and encouraging me as I improve. I go back and forth between being so thrilled that “all I have to do” is be a teacher’s aide, as I bask in the lower stress, and experiencing glimpses of myself being the leader in the classroom. I always come to the resting place of just being happy where I am. There are periods of grief, but I no longer kid myself that it’s just the bipolar; it’s also a need for improvement in my skill set. And who knows? Maybe I will improve so much next year that being a teacher becomes a reality somewhere down the line.