Julia Cameron, the author of many books on creativity, shares a saying attributed to John Burroughs, “Leap and the net will appear.” To me this means in the realm of creativity, take a chance, dream big, and often the next step will be presented to you, a path will appear, and you will move forward toward your goal. The insurmountable will become possible with this approach.

When I was having manic symptoms a few weeks back, I offered myself up to be in a position at work that I felt extremely excited to tackle; I felt exuberant and confident. Now that I am on a more even keel, I am searching for that exuberance and I am plagued with doubts in my abilities, my brain is careening toward the negative, and I caught myself blaming outside sources rather than taking proactive steps to ensure my success.

I have the weekend to relax and contemplate where I go from here. My psychiatrist said he would write a letter for me saying that it is medically advised that I not be in this position. I told him I would consider it, but that I also know one amazing thing: I have supportive coworkers that will be there to help me every step of the way, they care deeply about my well being, and I just need to let my paranoia and negative thoughts move out of the way and let them reach out to me.

I have been telling myself they are all thinking I can’t do the job and I’m crazy for accepting it, when I can tell by their demeanor and their kindness toward me that they want the best for me. Even though I did leap while manic, the net will appear, because my colleagues are a part of that net, and we are in this journey together. I’m going to have to challenge myself and test my areas of weakness to a great extent, so I may still fail, but I think I will be dealt with gently if I do.