Maybe there is a flip side to my peaceful feeling. Maybe I had to work really hard to get to feeling good. Maybe I had to dissociate. All of this could be true. Maybe the knowledge that I have been there before, had those dark feelings and wouldn’t welcome them again are what propel me toward happiness. Maybe my friend isn’t really doing better. Maybe I didn’t help him as much as I could have, because we had a complicated relationship in the past. Maybe he wanted more than I was able to give at a desperate time. I wish him well and hope his journey gets easier. I should consider that I may be experiencing dissociation and discuss it with a therapist. My psychiatrist said that therapy fills in the cracks where the medicine can’t. So maybe it is the icing on the cake that I need. I have it really good right now, I may just need to fill in those empty spaces that are hiding.