I am amazed at the strength I am able to reach for at each moment. I assume I have finally found the right combination of medications to treat my bipolar. Still, I struggle. I have been told three times this week by different people that I am doing an amazing job at work, and I can’t seem to summon that belief up for myself. I feel I am doing a horrible job and it’s only a matter of time before everyone figures it out. The negative voices are very strong. But with each moment I fight them. I try to recall the good mood I have in my therapy sessions when I am doing CBT, when I find a more realistic response. Yes, I want to do better, and I am doing pretty good. I am satisfied with feeling I am doing pretty good. I think it is a logical, realistic and rational reflection of my true skill at my job.

When I was talking with the principal of the school I resigned from a few years back she said, “you know you are a good teacher.” So I kind of stick with that. I am not great, or amazing, I am good. And I am ok with that. We all want to be excellent at what we do. I’m not there now, and that’s got to be ok with me. I can learn from others and improve. I am grateful to be in an environment where I have that opportunity.

Today is Saturday, and I like to take time to reflect on my week, and I have to say, each day was really tiring, but also rewarding. In my very best moments I get to smile and laugh with children and teach them something new along the way. I am blessed.