I feel like I quickly became an overnight alcoholic for a brief time, until I told my psychiatrist about my drinking; hearing myself explain it made it clear I wasn’t in control. I don’t know that I fit the true definition of an alcoholic, but I had some issues. I would come home from the stress of the day and quickly down three to four glasses of wine, to get a buzz and feel relaxed. It crept up rather quickly, I would do it once a week, then before I know it I was up to three nights a week. I never had a hangover, I seemed to know my limit to prevent that. It was unusual for me, as I rarely drank at all for twenty five years.

I did this knowing that drinking alcohol can reduce the effectiveness of bipolar medication, and increase side effects, especially drowsiness. My lowest point was falling asleep as I talked to my adult daughter on the phone. I was probably only out for a short while, but I heard her calling “mom, mom?” into the phone, and that woke me up. The feelings of guilt and shame should have been enough to make me stop, but I still drank for another week until I met with my psychiatrist and he vehemently expressed that he felt I should resign from my position as it is too stressful, which I wasn’t ready to do.

But there was one thing I could change before that, and I was willing to stop drinking and give my bipolar meds a chance to work without the alcohol. I told my psychiatrist about my plan, but he still would prefer I not stay in my job. He asked how I felt about that, and I said I would consider it. I do plan on changing jobs, but not until May. It has been less stressful the last three days, and I have been sober for eight days now. I know that’s not a long time, but I am determined to remain alcohol free, and help my meds to be their most effective.