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Memory Issues
I am longing to remember. The water feels cool, the sound of it lapping against the rocks at the same tempo as my heartbeat. Don’t you remember her? No, I can’t. I can’t picture her face. I draw circles in the water, and they disappear before my finger makes its way back to the beginning.…
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Relationships: Hearing Voices
More than once I was in a relationship for longer than I should have stayed. There was such discord between the things I wanted from a relationship, and the reality of that relationship that I had several mental health challenges. Rather than face the truth that I should just let someone go, I hung on…
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When I’m lost
Reaching for a feeling, anything that will stir my spirit and point me in the direction I need to go. I feel lost, not sure of my footing, waiting for the next wave to assert itself. Splash against the rocks and declare that I can do this, while awakening a soul full of answers. But…
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Resignation
Well, I’ve gone and done it now. I resigned from my job. A job I have only had for ten days, but it seems a lifetime longer. Bipolar has played a part, an ever growing part, in my decision. The embarrassment and agony are tolerable knowing that I will have an end to the stress…
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Magnolia
Paul Thomas Anderson knew how to make a movie just for me. He must be some kind of genius, because he did it without ever meeting me, yet he wrote on my soul. Every character in Magnolia is running away from something while trying to stand still, and it catches up to them. We may…
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Whispers
On Wednesday morning I walked my dog in the pouring rain, and I prayed for my mind to put sunshine in my heart. I love the rain, so I was trying to find happiness as I felt the raindrops soak me, but I needed light to push away a darkness that had settled on me…
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Why Didn’t They Love Me
I feel the water swirling around my ankles, and I hear the swish swish of the water, urging me to reach the shore and be done with it already. Why so impatient? This is supposed to be a peaceful moment. But I can’t relax. I pull the canoe behind me. Ah, it’s the canoe. It…
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Kicking and Screaming
I just want to feel the sunshine on my face. It’s been a little dark where I’ve been hiding. This is the first time I’ve really heard an inner child screaming, “I’m not going in there, you can’t make me!” so I knew it was exactly what I needed to do, while at the same…
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Hypomania
Hello friends! In my last blog post I talked about closing up my ribcage so nothing would fall in, but indeed something did! Hypomania floated in! I found myself on a cleaning spree, which is common in hypomania and very uncommon for me! I was sweeping and mopping, scrubbing and dusting with a passion. I…
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Ribcage of Reason
I have grown impatient with myself. My obsession as of late is bipolar memoirs. I was able to take a break for two days, and my anxiety skyrocketed. I took to amazon, even though I said I would go to the library; I now have in my possession two more bipolar books, one that I…
Moody Paper 