Natasha Tracy recently posted on Instagram

“But did you also know that bipolar disorder exists on a spectrum? Some people may experience mild symptoms that are easily managed (rare), while others may struggle with more severe symptoms that require more intensive treatment.”

I have always had in the back of my mind that I don’t really have the “right” to talk about my bipolar because it isn’t as severe as other people that I know or read about. I’ve never been hospitalized. I have come very close, but thanks to luck, a great support system, and taking care of my mental health as best I can much of the time, I have managed to avoid hospitalization. But never say never, I tell myself, it could still happen. It takes a lot of effort to manage bipolar symptoms on a daily basis, and some days are more manageable than others. Who knows what the future will bring.

I do have troubling symptoms that can come up unexpectedly, such as auditory and visual hallucinations, usually when I am under extreme stress. Two days ago I took my dog for a walk at three in the morning, and I had a neighbor approach me to talk. I am certain that the conversation did occur, but if something seems odd about an encounter I will turn it over in my mind and question if it was real. Sometimes I just have to be ok with not knowing.

Another reason I should not feel less “qualified” to write about the bipolar experience is that I have had suicidal ideation that I have had to take very seriously. That in itself is a reason not to dismiss my struggle. I know I’ve had times that I’ve even questioned if I am bipolar, and when I was first diagnosed I had others questioning it too. But my mind always settles back to a funny conversation between me and my now ex husband. I said I may not really be bipolar, and he said, “Oh, yes you are!” We both laughed. There were times we couldn’t laugh about it, so I am glad I have that memory as a resting place in my mind.