This morning, as I was driving in the dark, I felt my soul start to leave my body. I had a sudden feeling of elation; I felt like a part of me without boundaries was dispersed and floating above me. Seconds later I felt terror as my rational brain kicked in and I doubted any of me would be left behind to drive the car. I felt a rapid shift in my energy as my soul returned back to my body. I felt heavy again. I felt stress again. But I was relieved that the pleasant but unfamiliar feeling was gone. I could drive my car again, and I was back in control. Or so I’d like to think.

I pulled into a convenience store to get my daily fix of caffeine. As I was backing out I saw a man in a yellow cap and purple shirt out of the corner of my eye. I didn’t want to hit him, so I put on my brakes. I looked back again and there was no one there. I just saw him for a split second out of the corner of my eye, and I doubt there was anyone there at all. I saw him more in my mind’s eye than through my real eyes, if that makes any sense.

I suppose my soul leaving my body would be considered disassociation. For those few seconds, my surroundings felt very surreal. The man at the convenience store was a visual hallucination. Usually I have these experiences when I am under extreme stress. Work has been stressful, but not really anything out of the ordinary. I feel like I am handling it okay. I come home very tired, but it’s the good kind of tired when you know you put in the work, and maybe even made a difference.

The rest of the day was just another day at work, nothing out of the ordinary. But that feeling of my soul leaving my body stays with me in my quieter moments, now that the work day is over.

Ah, there was a difference last night. It was the first night I was really craving alcohol, and almost had something to drink. I talked about it, imagined how it would taste, imagined feeling the buzz. But then I took it further and imagined I had too much, lost track of time, had a hangover, and wasn’t prepared for work the next day. That put an end to my desire to drink. I settled for iced tea. But it was a bit stressful going back and forth in my brain with the battle for a few hours. I am so glad I didn’t give in. I’ve been four months alcohol free.

Tonight I am feeling tired, but relaxed. I doubt I will have any more hallucinations or out of body experiences unless something happens as I walk the dog in the dark. For some reason that is another time my mind likes to dance. It does love the dark.