My principal and I signed all the necessary paperwork for me to be in special education with 3-5 year olds. Now it goes to the district to approve. But wait! Of course it couldn’t be that simple, not in my school district!

Word got out that something strange is happening with teacher aides across the district. At first there were wild rumors; the second in command in special ed had asked what teacher aides do. Which is such a bizarre question to those of us in the trenches. Then teacher aides started getting calls from other teacher aides saying, “I am being moved from my current position to another one, as told to me by the head of special ed.” or worse, “I have been told I no longer have a position with the district.”

Then supposedly reliable information came from the second in command of special education. In a classroom like ours which has one lead teacher and three aides, they are now going to only have one lead teacher and one aide. They are also reassigning aides so that their skills are put in the most appropriate placement.

What does this mean for me? I am the last to join my current position of all the teacher aides, so I will most likely be the one to go. I was already reassigned a few years back by the heads of special ed to go to a CALM unit, which is for non verbal children with autism, and I loved it immensely, so if they put me back to that position I would be happy. But if they move me to middle school or high school, I would resign, as I only want to work elementary.

So as you can imagine, Friday was a day of emotional unrest among my colleagues. Everyone was running around to each other’s classrooms, trying to catch up on the latest news, and decipher what was rumor and what was truth. There is no way to know until we get that phone call that others have been talking about, or until the heads of sped choose to make an announcement.

I have been almost nonresponsive to this information compared to others. I assume some of it is the emotional blunting that is a side effect of my medication. I just don’t feel as deeply as others. Much of it, my husband reminds me is part of my personality. He’s known me since I was twenty years old, and he said I tended to be very calm and patient even before the meds.

My co workers were in a very heightened state on Friday and at one point the lead teacher put her hand on my shoulder and jokingly said, “give us the meds you are taking, because we all need to be as calm as you.” We were also having many behaviors in our classroom, and at one point I approached the lead teacher and told her I had a craft the kids could do that wouldn’t be high maintenance, and she said go for it. It calmed the room and the kids were more focused and attentive and the lead teacher thanked me for saving the day.

I have decided there is no point to worrying until I get the phone call. As uncertain as these times are, as long as I am moved somewhere in elementary, I will bloom where I am planted.