I am not one to brag about how balanced my life is, because it just isn’t. I work hard, but I don’t play hard; I tend to lounge on the couch with the shades drawn and read all day. I am very gifted at resting. I can do this for many days in a row, uttering very few words, except to sing the random song that pops into my head. Sometimes I can get my husband to sing along, and that always puts a smile on my face. Then I go back to reading.

Three days left with students until summer break. I am proud that my bipolar symptoms were fairly minimal this year; just anxiety and a lot of negative self talk that went on for a bit too long, but I managed to use CBT techniques to get back on an even keel. No manic episodes, a few times I felt the stirrings of one, but my medicine is working really well to keep symptoms to a minimum.

I can get quite lethargic and depressed when the summer days stretch out before me, and I feel as if I am walking through sludge to get anything accomplished. Some of this I have little control over, as it’s a bipolar mood that just attaches itself to me. So I have to set specific goals that I will do my best to accomplish, even if I have a mood episode. For example, no sleeping in past 10:00am. Exercise for 20 minutes a day. Call to schedule three doctor’s appointments. I’ll start with those and add more as I go.

That takes care of depression, but what about mania? If I think I have a great idea that includes spending money, or investing a lot of time, or both, I need to take that idea to my husband and other family members to see if it’s reasonable. If they say it’s unreasonable, I have to douse that burning fire of desire with water. Sometimes finding a way to do it in baby steps, or a reduced version of the idea is still possible. That requires frequent dialogue with the people who trust me to find a smaller way to think big.

The culprit that lurks among all of my summer days is anxiety. Anticipation of my new role at work will bring plenty of nervous energy, so I will find resources to help me prepare, and that will help combat some of the nerves. Social anxiety is always a balancing act; I spend a lot of time alone and have to push myself to schedule activities with others.

Sometimes all this babysitting of my brain gets really tedious and exhausting. But if I don’t take care of it, my brain could get sick. So here’s to a different summer than before. No sludge, no out of control whimsy, just a relaxing, productive summer.