I wasn’t prepared to be split in two. I didn’t expect the irritability and anger “You want to do what? You announced that you want to be sober? What did you go and do that for?” It was nearing our dinner time, and I’d already made it past 4:30, when I usually have my first drink. It was 6:00 and we were preparing dinner. I let my husband know that I was feeling angry, and he understood. Just being able to acknowledge the feeling took away a lot of it’s power. Then I sat down and came to my blog and found an image for it, and that calmed me down.

By the time we ate dinner I was over the craving and the anger. Now we are listening to music as my husband plays guitar; he wants to work on Take Me Home, Country Roads by John Denver. I don’t need to have a buzz to be totally immersed in it. It feels peaceful to be present. We are singing together.

We won’t be drinking together anymore, and that’s okay. As my sister pointed out to me, I have a different relationship with alcohol than he does. It’s time to find happiness as the sober version of me. Who knows, maybe some of my emotional blunting is from a combination of the medication and alcohol. I may be feeling in a new way. And that’s better than okay. That’s alright.

Here Comes the Sun

Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and I say
It’s alright

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes

Little darlin’, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darlin’, it seems like years since it’s been clear

Here comes the sun, doo-doo-doo-doo
Here comes the sun, and I say
It’s alright

Here comes the sun, doo-doo-doo-doo
Here comes the sun
It’s alright

It’s alright