Day 13 of my medication change: I have been sleeping well, and that is helping to keep me in the range of normal to mildly hypomanic. I usually wake up feeling normal and by 10:00am I am happy go lucky, singing and repeating phrases, and enjoying the extra energy. I even wondered if maybe the new medication is helping me to feel cheerful, and what I think is mildly hypomanic is just how people feel when they are happy. It’s been a while, so I am enjoying this new light hearted feeling.

Now that I’ve had a bit of hypomania, I really miss the feeling when I am normal. It feels like I am addicted to it, and seeking out ways to bring it about, like drinking coffee or taking an allergy pill that makes me feel wired. I know I could take more prozac and probably bring about an episode, but playing with meds feels too dangerous to me.

I just have to be happy with being normal. To still have that voice of dread in my head when I first wake up in the morning, knowing it may get better as my day goes on. I work hard to feel better, giving myself pep talks every step of the way. It’s sometimes exhausting to talk yourself in to doing the next thing that needs to be done. I’ll bet people without mental illness struggle with that, too. I’m very fortunate to have such a mild reaction to my medication change so far. On Tuesday I will be done with the olanzapine and will raise my Vraylar to a therapeutic level. Overall, so far, it’s been a fairly smooth transition.