I tripped over a kindergartener and hurt my knee. Hazard of the profession. The kindergartener made out okay, just a few tears, then “Oh look, computer!” And all was forgotten.

I’ve been using harm reduction with regards to my drinking and it is going better than expected. I have many days of the week where I don’t drink at all, and when I do I limit myself to three drinks. For me, that’s pretty good.

My psychiatrist says I am an intelligent person who can figure out if I am in the wrong job. He is in favor of me resigning and finding more suitable work. I just got a raise that is pretty sweet, so I am hanging in there for now. I am trying my hardest to be as effective as possible, but sometimes bipolar gets in the way. I will have moody days where I feel very quiet, and I won’t use my words or tone of voice effectively. So much is communicated through tone of voice, a firm assertion, and a confidence to follow through. Those are the things I am working on. I’m finding it hard to make bold changes, so I celebrate even the smallest of victories. You have to start somewhere.

Today I told four of my coworkers that I have bipolar 1. I was having some issues with my memory that were effecting my performance and I decided it was time to tell them. I said that I am bipolar 1 and I take a strong medication that effects my working memory and my short term memory. I gave them examples of where I have been falling short, and acknowledged that some of my performance in question is just part of my personality that I need to work on, so I feel I took responsibility for my behavior. I told them the doctor took me off the medication and if I don’t see some improvement he has recommended that I see a neurologist for other possible causes for my memory issues. After most of my coworkers left, one stayed behind to tell me she appreciated knowing, because she had been feeling frustrated at times, but knowing there is a reason I am forgetful helps her understand my behavior.

I felt awkward at first, as it was deeply personal information, but the lead teacher acknowledged that it was a difficult thing to discuss but he appreciated that I let them know. He said they will help me remember the things I have trouble with. I felt awkward at first, but then I felt such a sense of relief that I have been in a very good mood. I felt the lead teacher’s response was very supportive and encouraging.

So life goes on. I was surprised at how articulate I sounded when explaining my situation, and impressed at how I managed to sound very calm and confident. At the moment, I don’t regret telling them; I guess time will tell if I made the right decision.