I got results from my assessments taken by the neuropsychologist. My mother went with me to take notes, and that was a real blessing. The doctor explained it quite thoroughly, and gosh darn if he wasn’t looking into my soul. I know he is an expert on the brain, but he made observations of my personality; I just had to laugh- yep that’s me.

He said I demonstrated apathy, explaining “it’s great for other people if you don’t care if you eat pepperoni or sausage pizza, but you should be hooked into life more.” I have “an apathetic style for complex problems which seems consistent with vocational problems.” See, to me that just sounds like a fancy way of saying I’m lazy. No offense taken. The verdict is that I show a lack persistence for solving complex problems. Good to know. Soldier on, girlfriend, and give them hell!

In terms of my noggin and its’ functioning, I am well below average in four different types of maintaining attention. Doc says, “you’re not forgetting; you never learned it in the first place!” This is actually excellent news, because it means I don’t have dementia, I have an injured brain from bipolar. More specifically, a cantankerous frontal lobe.

Because of my attention issues, my verbal learning is the pits. It’s no bueno that I can’t retain verbal information over time, short periods and long periods. When it comes to visuospatial recall, however, I was superior. That’s the artist in me.

Because I have issues in problem solving, and attention deficits, I struggle with scheduling and understanding instructions. So don’t tell me what to do when and we’ll get along fine.

My doctor had some excellent recommendations, including reading the book “The Smart but Scattered Guide to Success,” by Peg Dawson, EdD and Richard Guare, PhD. I am also being encouraged to spend my time in active problem solving, join a social group that will be entertaining and joyful, stick with my psychiatrist (but note that I appear overmedicated, and as Doc says “listless.”), exercise, (especially yoga and Tai Chi,), and start a diet that keeps my brain healthy. (Mind, NiMe, Mediterranean, DASH, or AHEI program.)

There’s so much more in my notes, it would boggle the mind, so I will leave you with a general statement. “Cognitive syndromes in bipolar include variable attention, (which may be mistaken for memory problems),verbal learning and memory issues, and other aspects of executive function.” At this point, when I look at my notes, the comments from the doctor and the tid bits I was frantically googling are starting to blur together. So I don’t remember who gets the credit for that last quote. Wait, it’s coming to me! That was Doc.

It turns out that peering into your brain is quite fascinating. I feel fortunate that I got the opportunity to do so. I am going to amble up to the Texas Workforce Commission, notes in hand and ask them to help an apathetic, listless, visuospatial learner. I’m sure they will be clamoring to assist me.