Well, I’ve gone and done it now. I resigned from my job. A job I have only had for ten days, but it seems a lifetime longer. Bipolar has played a part, an ever growing part, in my decision. The embarrassment and agony are tolerable knowing that I will have an end to the stress that was at times overwhelming for my bipolar brain. I don’t know if it is due to the side effects of medication, or bipolar itself, but my brain is broken and having a hard time remembering things. In my profession that can be a safety hazard, and we are talking about little children here, so I cannot continue working with that detrimental issue playing a role in my day.

I have mixed feelings of both relief and agony. I don’t have a game plan for the future, other than to get on my husband’s insurance, I just know I want a job that doesn’t entail working with children. Although I love them, I don’t have the skill set to be effective with them. So off to indeed I go, searching for other opportunities.

What have I done? This feels like an impulsive decision and it was, yet it seems reasonable given the emotional state I have been in the last ten days. I think I am in a bipolar mixed state, with features mostly like depression. Sometimes I find myself standing in the middle of the classroom frozen, not knowing what to do or say, feeling a sense of detachment from all that is happening around me. There is no time for that in this classroom. The pace is swift and unrelenting. But full of special moments and celebrations.

Ahhh, bipolar. How I love to hate you so. I wish for a time you would take a vacation. But you rarely do. I let my brain get ahead of me this time, but I will move forward and turn this into a positive life change. On to new adventures!