Hello old friend, it’s really good to see you once again.

-Eric Clapton

Am I just rehashing the same old memories – the not so good ones to the downright awful experiences- in my art? Since college my art has always been about relationships I am in, created in an enigmatic way so you would have to have some clues to surmise the meaning. It’s especially obvious to me now, and I know other artists do that as well, so it’s not a big deal. It’s just something to contemplate. When you leave the scene of the crime (the finished art piece) you somehow come out a little healthier. So art is therapy, and I dare say, therapy is an art as well.

Now that I have a new psychiatrist, I realized that I have created a version of myself that is unique to our interactions, without all the baggage that my former psychiatrist knew. I can choose how to present myself, but she is a part of this dance as well, so I think she knows how to get down to the truth of who I really am and how I am doing. I see no point in trying to hide aspects of myself, it would only be a disservice to me.

I also see a therapist once a week, and that is crucial to my staying well. I have gained so many useful tools to use, although sometimes they are like my purse, hiding at the very bottom of my psyche and I have to dig around to find them. Once I realize, “Oh, this will work for problem X,” then I can move on to implementing a plan. It’s a relief, like finding my keys wedged deep within the torn lining of my purse. Success!

So old friends. They follow me around in my head, no longer claiming a stake at overwhelming sadness; it’s more like a companion holding my hand. I will swing my arm to and fro, just to feel them still with me. But they don’t define me, or malign me like they used to, they just float around me in their essence. Which can shift in my head on any given day. It’s always an adventure.

I have not mastered the art of learning the lesson, it seems I have to repeat it at times, but it doesn’t create the same groove in the record, so deep and unrelenting, it is more of a melody that is a familiar reminder. Ah, that problem again. I have the tool right here, as I organize my thoughts more each time I revisit them.